


confident only when unconscious

by TWS



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Fluff and Humor, Ironically, Shy Bertolt Hoover, Sleeptalking, bertholdt hoover's sleep positions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:21:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28223817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TWS/pseuds/TWS
Summary: Bertholdt is very much a guy in the background, and has been since day one. He stands behind Reiner and does his level best to blend in with everything around him, and despite towering over the rest of them, he usually manages to succeed.Except for at night.
Relationships: Reiner Braun/Bertolt Hoover
Comments: 8
Kudos: 133





	confident only when unconscious

**Author's Note:**

> i am in spain. but the s is silent. 
> 
> i thought bertholdt was useless at first. i made fun of him for standing there without any dialogue at all. then i started paying attention. i got suspicious of him. that guy acted WEIRD. then it all paid off. he was the colossal titan. and then he became my favourite of them all, my favourite archetype is the quiet/seemingly inconsequential person actually having so much more,,,,,, and then he died.
> 
> pain. 
> 
> to cope i will be writing copious amounts of fic please forgive me.

Bertholdt is very much a guy in the background, and has been since day one. He stands behind Reiner and does his level best to blend in with everything around him, and despite towering over the rest of them, he usually manages to succeed.

Except for at night.

It's almost comical, really. Bertholdt couldn't be more withdrawn if he tried, and yet when he sleeps... It's a different story.

"Good God," Armin says, the first time they catch a glimpse of their timid comrade asleep. "What is he doing?"

With his body half hanging off the bed, one hand tangled in his hair, one leg propped up, and his mouth hanging open, Bertholdt most certainly does not look reserved. He's been barely noticeable so far, but now every eye in the room is on him.

"Oh, yeah, you guys are gonna have to get used to this," Reiner says. "Bertl can put on quite the show. And he's a kicker. He's got me in the head more times I can count."

Muttering inaudibly, Bertholdt lowers his leg.

"Reiner," he mumbles, catching his friend's attention. "The boat's filling with water. I don't like frogs."

Reiner, to his credit, only reacts with a smirk. He's seen this plenty of times before. "I hear ya, buddy. No frogs here."

This seems to soothe Bertholdt, who drags himself fully onto the bed and pulls the blanket up to his eyes.

At everyone else's disbelieving looks, Reiner says, "We all need an outlet. Sleep is Bertholdt's. Out the moment his head hits the pillow, and as you can see, he's quite... expressive."

"Reiner got rid of the frogs," Bertholdt hums happily. "No frogs."

"No kidding," Connie says, scratching the back of his head in bewilderment. "He talks _more_ when he's unconscious, huh?"

Reiner nods. There's a hint of fondness in his eyes. "It's all nonsense, though."

"Maybe these are true insights into his soul," Jean jokes. "We've already learned that he isn't a fan of frogs. That's more than I've got from him in any conversation."

"Aw, he's just shy," Marco says. "I'm sure he'd talk more if we helped him feel more comfortable."

They all stifle giggles as Bertholdt assumes a brand new position, lying face down with his legs poking out of both sides of the bed.

"Hey, Bertholdt," Eren calls over to him with a snigger. "There's a frog on your pillow."

The reaction is immediate- Bertholdt moans and twists into a ball, swatting a hand against his pillow.

"Eren!" Armin chides him, as everyone else bursts out laughing. "Leave the poor guy alone!"

Eren doesn't look abashed in the slightest. Reiner shakes his head. "You're all going to take the piss out of him, aren't you? He'll be so embarrassed."

"Of course we are," Connie says. "Nothing like a good natured ribbing to bring a guy out of his shell."

"I'll be nice," Armin offers. He looks around the other beds. "Anyone else with me?"

Marco raises a hand. Nobody else does, not even Reiner.

"You're his friend!" Armin says.

"So?" Reiner snorts. "Friends make fun of each other."

There's more laughter at this (even Armin can't help but smile), followed by some frog taunts that has Bertholdt groaning. But eventually they settle down into their beds- the day has been long and the chatter can't last forever.

Reiner grins at his sleeping friend. Bertholdt's legs are crossed over each other now and he has his hands behind his head- and most importantly, he seems relaxed. That's good. Even if it's only for a few hours, Bertholdt deserves a reprieve.

Closing his eyes, Reiner tries not to think about what Bertholdt needs a reprieve from.

Soon the room is filled with deep, slow breathing and snoring from Connie, Jean and Eren. Despite the rowdiness of earlier, it's actually peaceful, and rain pattering against the windows only serves to be more soothing. It's surprisingly easy for Reiner to drift off.

Later in the night, when everyone is completely out, Bertholdt starts speaking again.

"I don't want this... I don't want this..." His voice is strangled, agonised. He's twisted into himself, hands clutching at his hair. "I'm so sorry... I'm so, so sorry..."

This time, nobody hears him.

***

Bertholdt wakes to a hand on his shoulder. At first he stops cold, half of him still trapped in a dream, but then he looks up and sees Reiner grinning down at him.

"Good morning," he says. "Sleep well?"

"Y-Yeah," Bertholdt mumbles, a very faint, rare smile playing across his face, one that usually only Reiner has the privilege of seeing. "I did. Thanks."

He realises he's all tangled up in his own limbs, so he sits upright, yawning-

And notices everyone grinning at him.

Bertholdt turns scarlet instantly, pulling his blankets up as though to protect himself. Immediately he looks at Reiner, who holds up his hands placatingly in the middle of his laughter.

"Don't worry, Bertl," he says. "We were just admiring your works of art."

"I- I don't follow." Bertholdt's voice is almost a whisper. Why is everyone _looking_ at him like that? 

"The way you sleep, dude," Connie sniggers. "I don't even know how you can get into some of those positions. You must be _super_ flexible."

Bertholdt somehow manages to flush even deeper. He's never been able to shake his odd sleeping habits, having always unwittingly kicked Reiner whenever they slept next to each other, but he had never expected it to warrant any attention. That's the antithesis of who he is. Is it really that bad?

"Sorry," he says. There's no reason to apologise, he just feels like he needs to say it. "I'm not really conscious of what I'm doing-"

"You were talking in your sleep, too." Eren, typically loud and boisterous, speaks over him easily. "About all sorts of things."

A chill arcs through Bertholdt's body.

"I- I was?" he says, and if he wasn't sweating before, he is now. "What- what did I say?"

Reiner frowns, but nobody else notices how white Bertholdt's knuckles are as they grip the sides of his bed.

"Well, from what we gathered, you're not too fond of certain amphibians, and you've always wanted to fly," Armin says apologetically. "You also think Reiner would look good with a beard."

_Oh._

To anyone listening out for it, there's relief in his voice when he speaks, "Oh... Man. That's... that's really... really..."

 _Too many eyes in his direction._ Bertholdt swallows and looks at Reiner for help, unable to find the words in the presence of so many people paying attention to him.

"I would look good in a beard," Reiner offers. "Sleeping you knows his stuff."

Bertholdt forces out a chuckle. It's Marco, bless his soul, who recognises how uncomfortable he is and jumps in. "We won't make it a habit to listen to you sleep, so you don't need to feel self-conscious."

"If he keeps up the running commentary, it's kind of hard not to listen," Jean says.

"I'm honestly really sorry about that-" Bertholdt begins, but his words are swallowed by the group's laughter. Helplessly, he sits back as they all kick off their sheets and move on to get ready for the day.

At least they're not looking at him now.

_Calm down._

"Hey, don't look like that," Reiner says, spotting the look on his face. "We're just kidding around. You know that, right?"

Bertholdt nods. His movements are mechanical as he begins to tidy up his bed, which has turned into a warzone as a result of his constant tossing and turning.

_His damn sleeping habits... His damn nightmares..._

He can feel Reiner's eyes on his back. _Please don't._ "Hey. Did you... have a nightmare?"

"It doesn't matter." It takes effort to keep his voice calm. "You can go on ahead."

Reiner shakes his head. "Come on-"

"Reiner, it's okay. Really." There's nothing in Bertholdt's eyes when he turns around. "We can't do anything about it. Best not to dwell."

"Yeah..." Reiner looks at the ground. "I guess."

"Go on," Bertholdt says softly. "I'll be there in a sec."

Looking almost like a small child, Reiner nods and shuffles towards the door. Bertholdt watches him go with his brow creased slightly, before returning his attention to tidying his bed.

 _It's okay,_ he thinks. _Focus._

When he's finished, he steps back, and his hands tighten by his sides for the briefest of moments. Then the mask is back on and he leaves the room, prepared to be a nobody in the background again.


End file.
